Sunday, January 18, 2009
When do we speak up??
I recently had an experience with some friends where I felt very conflicted about whether or not I should speak up and say something or just remain silent to "keep the peace". This experience got me thinking about other situations in my life in which I have faced the same dilemma - should I speak up and say something or just keep my thoughts to myself? Because, it seems like when I do speak up, later I end up thinking, "I should have just kept my mouth shut, why do I always have to say something?" But, then there have been other times when I have kept my mouth shut and then later regretted not speaking up. So, here is what I have come up with as a guide for these kinds of situations but I really would like to hear some of your thoughts on this dilemma. My thoughts are that if what is going on or being said is hurting you or someone you love, or anyone for that matter - you should definately speak up. But then things get a little gray. What if what is being said or done conflicts with your moral/spiritual/ethical beliefs? Speak up? Keep it to yourself? Depends on the situation I think. If it seems like the person or persons might be receptive to what you have to say, speak up. But if it seems as though nothing good could come out of you speaking up, then maybe keep it to yourself?? I'm gray on this one though. In the situation I faced this week, I finally decided to speak up, but only after remaining silent to keep the peace on several occasions. I worry that my speaking up might end up costing us a friendship but, I guess, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, right? Wrong? In this situation, I had to weigh what was worse - possibly loosing the friendship by speaking up or allow something hurtful to continue. And the thing that stinks is that no matter how hard you may try to go about it in the best way possible, if the other person doens't want to hear it or has a problem with it, then there's really not much you can do, right? So, anyways, interested in hearing your thoughts or maybe experiences that you have had with this kind of a situation.
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1 comments:
Nice thoughts...good posts... I don't know- I used to speak up all of the time but with (a little ) maturity I've learned that it isn't always necessary to do so. I think you are right that there definitely are times when something needs to be said. But, most importantly HOW is it being said and WHAT is being said? I think that is most important. It reminds me when a target employee made a rude comment about one of my children being white and the other being 1/2 black. Not knowing what to say I said nothing and totally cried after and regretted letting my kids hear someone question our family and me just simply stay silent. What was the alternative? Saying something rude back? Mom gave me great advice. Why does it have to be nothing said or something confrontational? She said use moments like those to teach or clear things up. In a moment like mine, she suggested I say- yes, "they are BOTH my children and I think they make the most beautiful pair." I could have showed her that I was proud of my family and not ashamed and also kind enough to not fight with her. So, in your situation Mary, it sounded like you needed to say something and knowing you, you probably did think of HOW and WHAT needed to be said and took the opportunity to change things instead of just to fight. You are awesome! I love you!
BTW- love the new background and your little blurb about your fam!
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